Finally getting the right diagnosis

In November 2017, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II by a new Psychartrist. 

Basically, Bipolar I disorder involves periods of severe mood episodes from mania to depression. Bipolar II disorder is a milder form of mood elevation, involving milder episodes of hypomania that alternate with periods of severe depression. (Webmd.com)

I have talked about my depression before... in a nutshell, I was a teenager when I was diagnosed with depression. I was on  many medications, and to be honest, none of them actually worked. I was able to manage my depression through life changes- my parent's divorce, college, the birth of my son- but in December 2016, I finally needed help.

I was off medication and my spirits weren't as high as they should have been. Bluntly, I was numb. Numb to the holiday spirit, numb to the love around me, numb to being happy. I felt as if I was on a roller coaster ride and the roller coaster stopped in the low part with all of the murky water, and it had no hopes of moving any time soon. At that point in my life, I finally reached out to my gynecologist at my yearly and asked for help. He put me on Lexapro. After about 4 weeks, I felt better, but had a new symptom. 

I still cried and felt numb, but I could feel the love around me while on the meds. The unfortunate side effect was that I was having a "touch" of OCD. I would check to make sure that my flat iron was unplugged, that I had my phone, that doors at my previous job were locked; all several times and then several times more. I felt like I was going crazy. At the neck check up, my gynecologist told me that the OCD was normal on the meds, so he upped the dose. He told me that the OCD would go away. I said ok.

In June 2017, I went through a major life change. I quit my job after being offered a full-time job, moved, put our cat down, and started the new job, all within a week. Once starting the new job, I was driving almost an hour to work and back. During the first few weeks of the job, I was tired, stressed, and studying to take my RBT test (registered behavioral tech). I, of course, was depressed. It happens... 

After I took my RBT exam and passed, I was moved closer to home- my drive is 30 minutes on a good day. I loved the job, and still do. But I was still depressed. Mostly due to the stress of the job, irritating co-workers (just comes with the territory), and the fact that I couldn't spend any time with my kid. 

In August, I was in a car accident. I was hurt, and still am. I have issues with my neck, memory, and all that fun stuff. My depression got worse. I cried alot- and still do. I tried to go back to my gynecologist for help, but he told me that he wasn't able to increase my dose, because psychiatrics was outside of his realm of expertise. I understood and finally made a call to an actual Psychiatrist in October. 

After waiting what felt like forever, I had my first appointment in November with my Psychiatrist. She asked me a lot of questions about my depression, my anxiety (mostly from the car accident), my college life, and everything in between. I told her. 

She said, "Well you have Bipolar II, OCD, ADD, and Anxiety." 

I wanted to cry when I heard my issues. She explained that since my depression came in waves and I was horrible at anything money wise- I shop way too much- I had the symptoms of Bipolar II. She then explained the issue I have with my planner- I decorate it and get it perfect, then don't use it. She said that the OCD wants me to make things nice and organized, but the ADD comes in and fu*ks everything up basically. Same thing happens with my procrastination- which happens to be a part of my ADD.

I felt so much weight being lifted off of me. I finally had an answer for how I was feeling.

At the appointment, she told me that she wanted me to stay on my Lexapro, but wanted to add a mood stabilizer. To date, I have seen her twice since the initial appointment, and I am on my third mood stabilizer & an ADD medication. I am starting to feel so much better. 

I have stopped crying. 

I no longer think about suicide. 

I can feel the sun on my face. 

I can finally feel the happiness around me. 

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental health disorder? 

How did it make you feel?