Sometimes I just want to scream...
 

I knew taking on a second job, even if it was just for like three weeks, was going to be hard, but I don't think I realized just how hard. I hate the fact that I am going to basically be and have been putting my son and family on the backburner until April 1, for one minor reason- I didn't want to screw over the job that has treated me very well for the past 23 months. Yeah, almost two years. Two wonderful, blissful years. And in those two years, I had only ever considered quitting once or twice.
 

And now... it's on my mind, every minute, of every day. It's a simple reason why I actually want to say peace out. For my sanity. For my son. For the plain reason that I don't want to work six days a week. But there are so many reasons why I choose to stay. For the money. For the friendship. For the good I feel I am doing. For my seniority. Because it's easy. It's easy to feel like I am making a difference at my new job.
 

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful. Grateful that the job has given and taught me so much. Grateful for the understanding and compassion I have been shown by my superiors on a daily basis. Grateful for the lives I have changed. Grateful for the lasting friendships I have made. Grateful for the fact that for the past two years, I was able to stay home with my son and only work on the weekends for some extra money. Grateful for the smiles and love that made leaving my son tolerable.
 

Now, I am embarking on a new journey. An exciting and meaningful journey. A journey that I can comprehend the players of the game, and why they do what they do. But this journey also has a decision. A simple decision that could mean that I close a door, but open a window. A decision that would mean less money for me in the long run. A decision to fully leave a job I have loved.

But until I make my ultimate decision, I am going to just be happy for what little time I am able to give to my son, and grateful for my husband and parents, who support me in every choice I decide to make. And continue to keep my bridge open.