I'm goin' thru the big D, and don't mean Dallas

The other day I was in the car, and this song by Mark Chesnutt came on. Granted he wrote it in 1996, but I still laugh at how much of an upbeat song about divorce it is.

Divorce is ugly. Ugly for everyone involved. And it sucks.

Wait a second, did you think that I was confiding in you that I am in the process of getting divorced?

Oh God, no!

Yes, I have thought of divorce, but it was only due to a temporary misunderstanding and lack of communication. AND I would never actually go through with it, unless it was the best thing for my husband and I. Everyday, I am inlove with my husband, so what's the point in getting divorced if you still love each other?

Anyways, if you would have read my "About Me" section, you would have read that I am a child of divorce and remarriage, and the point of this post is to give you a child's and outsider's perspective on divorce.

My mom filed for divorce while she was still living with my bio dad. Not the best idea, since it caused a lot of complications. My mom wasn't in love with him anymore and after almost 15 years of marriage, she had had enough of my bio dad's emotional, and at times physical, abuse. I was a senior in high school, maybe 4 months away from graduation, when my world fell apart. In short, it sucked. My bio dad was an ass, and I chose my mom's side. During the divorce, my brother was used as a pawn by my bio dad. He used my brother to deliver messages to my mom, to get her hopes up, and then just crushed them over and over. I would watch my mom cry, and promise myself that I would never put my child through something like that.

Parents! Please don't use your children as pawns! Don't make them chose sides! Divorce is really hard on children, especially the younger ones, and when mom and dad fight, it just gets worse.

I work at a non-profit that does supervised visitation between a non-custodial parent and the child or children. Over half of the cases that we deal with, are court cases, and you can tell when the wound is fresh from a child. It's a hard thing to watch.

We also offer transfer services. Basically transfer services are the hand off of the child from one parent to another. Like, when the child goes to dad's for the weekend, well, we are the place that that child gets "transferred". Well, we have parents that use this service, because they just can't get along.

I don't get it. How can two people be married for 5+ years, and then all of a sudden, hate each other to no end. It's a complication of divorce, and it sucks.

I also hate to see that people are getting married and then divorced within a year. Seriously? What was the point of even getting married? Even celebs are doing this, and it's sickening. Do people not value the sanctity of marriage anymore?

Divorce shouldn't be a choice. It shouldn't be then end game. It should be a last resort.